More than anything I wanted someone who could understand. Someone who knew what I was feeling. I just couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way. And how I could fix it. I talked to anyone that would listen. Gathering … Continue reading Log #11: Counselors and Counseling

Every day someone came just to be with me. I was always on the edge of panic which felt like constant fear. Having someone come was essential to allowing John to go to work and not be worried about being … Continue reading Log #12: It takes a Village

“We’re going to get through this.” WE. He was in it with me. Like a truly amazing friend who isn’t afraid of what is to come, or maybe they are, but they aren’t going anywhere. His words and hope and … Continue reading Log #13: John

Despite what I was going through, there were still events that couldn’t be missed. My oldest son was graduating from college. It was a December graduation and I was determined to attend. I am not sure how I appeared on … Continue reading Log #14: Trying to look Normal

You might find it surprising and even embarrassing that we all have had at one time or another some unwanted and even alarming thoughts. While standing on the edge of a cliff the thought may come to you, “Jump!”. Crossing … Continue reading Log #15: Despairing of Life and other unwanted thoughts

I had been to so many doctors. Each came to the end of their rope. To the end of what they could offer from their own expertise. My primary care doctor had actually texted me asking that I might “try … Continue reading Log #16: Lyme

On our calendar was a week-long family camp on the shores of Lake Tahoe. A pristine spot, full of memories and beauty. It would be a challenge to pull this all together but I had also learned that avoiding these … Continue reading Log #17: Deliverance

We returned from camp and began to live life again. At the time, I was cautiously optimistic. I continued my medication and went to meet with my Lyme specialist. I walked him through what happened that day in Tahoe and … Continue reading Log #18: A Return to Life

Our youngest was 12, we had moved to the more independent phase of parenting. I was feeling quite satisfied with our family size and was well beyond childbearing years anyway. But somehow we began having little people in our house … Continue reading Log #19 God redeems everything in his time

Once while we were out hiking with the family we got kind of lost. Not the kind of out-in-the-wilderness-never-to-find-home kind of lost but just not exactly sure where we were. It was in an area that my husband grew up … Continue reading Log #20 I didn’t expect to end up here